When we are working on projects or jobs we love, we somehow expect it to be fun and fulfilling. It often is, but a lot of the time, it’s not fun. It’s work, it’s hard, and it’s messy. It’s unpredictable.

I know that if I am going to be consistent - at least 80% of the time - I need to set up predictable and efficient routines. I also need to give myself permission to be flexible roughly 20% of the time.

That means I have the same yoga practice two days a week, the same cycling/weight routine two days, and then the other three days, I am flexible. I realize the math doesn't quite add up to 80/20, but there's a perfect opportunity to be flexible! (The reality is, I usually wing it two of those days and take one day off).

While I don't always totally enjoy the workout, it feels good to put energy and attention where I intend to put it. And that is part of the fuel in the predictable, efficient routines.

Even though I know this, I have been struggling to put predictable structures in my morning routine.

I do my best thinking from 6 am until about 11 am. But that time can just slip by, leaving me facing the afternoon and a whole lot of unmet obligations and desires.

I am a master at finding calm amidst the chaos, and I can help you do the same. In my 25-year journey as a parent, teacher, teacher of teachers, and adults, I know life can feel chaotic. I've learned ways to embrace the chaos and find moments of calm. As the founder of Grounded 2 Grow, I echo the sentiment in a recent Psychology Today article titled "Mothers are Drowning in Stress." Still, I know with support and accountability, individuals can connect, curate, and commit to both caring for themselves and others.

I’ve heard that statement precisely three times in my life. The first two times were for speeding, and I knew darn well why I was stopped. This time, I have to admit, my mind was in so many places, so I actually wasn’t sure.

I knew I had not been on my phone.

I was pretty sure I hadn’t been speeding because I had been in a rotary (for you non-New Englanders, I think you call them traffic circles).

I was stumped, but I knew enough not to argue and being the Obliger* I am, I was smart enough to fess up to making a mistake and begin fumbling an apology.

As I tried to do that, I felt my heart racing. My mind jumped from my heart to my calendar to the look on this cop’s face. Her face said, “LADY. SLOW. THE. HECK. DOWN” and she wasn’t just talking about speeding.

She asked where I was going, and I simply said: “to meet a friend.” Truth: I was meeting a friend who is also my hairdresser for a freaking bang trim.

I then asked if I could call my friend to say I’d be late and my friendly cop said, “Absolutely not. Do not touch anything.”

“What brings you joy?”

Last winter, I asked a client this question.

She responded with a self-conscious giggle and said, "Gosh, that IS a good question!"

She had been so busy raising three smart and beautiful children who are now grown and flown. She's a devoted and loyal employee and gracious wife. Along the way, she had forgotten what brought joy to her life, and she was going through the motions, slightly numb and uncertain about what she wanted next.

Fast-forward to June, and she's got a few new hobbies and new habits that bring her joy. The frustrations of work bead up and roll away like rain on a freshly waxed car. She sees them bubble up, but she doesn't let them seep in.

I posted something short earlier this week on my Facebook page about this article “For the Women Who Hold Too Much.”

I think most of us can relate to feeling that sense of overwhelm when - or if - we stop to pause and explore all the feelings.

“…About lugging the weight of our worlds until our backs are bent until we can’t even see our own palms, our own wants, and needs?”

We, middle-aged females, tend to hold so much for others - literally, metaphorically, energetically. It's hard to set things down or dare I say, not even pick them up?

Often it’s because our roles demand that we pick up things - like our toddler’s toys or the dinner dishes. Or all the household tasks for our aging parents. Or that boss that leaves us and an endless stream of jobs.

Or because picking up and holding other people’s emotional baggage or physical work is a pattern we’ve fallen into.

Or because we do it unconsciously because we like to be in control or we see work that needs to be done.

Whatever the reason, many of us carry things and don’t even realize the weight of what we carry. Then recognizing the circumstances surrounding us and the feelings inhabiting us becomes even more elusive.