The other evening, I met a friend for a drink before a meeting we were attending. As I sat down, the bartender said, “How are ya?” To my surprise, I answered, “hah, it’s been a week!” He cocked his head and said, “Oh, really now? You know it’s Tuesday, right?”

Last week I shared some thoughts on resolutions, affirmation, and intentions. Did you catch that?

Since then, I’ve read and seen so many posts on how to stick to those resolutions, and I would bet you have, too. I like to think more in terms of building habits that will stick, not find hacks for those resolutions.

It’s January 3rd. Three days into twenty-twenty. Have we had enough of the riffs on the new year, a new decade, resolutions yet?

I am a master at finding calm amidst the chaos, and I can help you do the same. In my 25-year journey as a parent, teacher, teacher of teachers, and adults, I know life can feel chaotic. I've learned ways to embrace the chaos and find moments of calm. As the founder of Grounded 2 Grow, I echo the sentiment in a recent Psychology Today article titled "Mothers are Drowning in Stress." Still, I know with support and accountability, individuals can connect, curate, and commit to both caring for themselves and others.

Last week I started my day around 5 am so that come 6 am, I was to lead a hearty bunch of learners in my Cultivating Calm Micro-class.

Yay! Early mornings the darkest week of the season so far! LOL. It's actually not that bad - especially given this bunch of super-heroes!

Recently someone asked me “why the heck” I still get up so early” despite working from home.  My response was threefold.  

First, my work is flexible, not negotiable.   I still  have a full plate work and life’s obligations and fun. 

Second, it’s a habit that get me up and moving into the day.  

Third, I find something very gratifying in getting up before the sun and have a bit of quiet and one of my core self-care practices of mindfulness.

Despite being clear on “why” my day starts like this, it’s sticky.  Sleep gets interrupted. Bedtime is delayed when I strive to do “one more thing” or get sucked into Netflix or a good book.  It’s simply too easy to get sidetracked with other stuff before I even get dressed.  I have to continually be aware of how I feel and act in my morning routine to see (and avoid!)  the roadblocks to doing what matters.

When I am tempted to listen to the news, check social media, clean up my desk or empty the dishwasher, I stop to think of how I will feel when my day unravels. It’s so easy to feel agitated when I break promises to myself.  That little Heckler in my head starts to criticize. I feel like I did so often as a young mom,  taking on too much not completing anything the way I thought I was supposed to.

Or worse, like a schoolgirl who gets report card comments like this: 

Lisa has the ability to be a good student. At present, she needs help in establishing good work habits, especially those involved with listening and following through on the task at hand…..

A year or so later: 

Lisa is a talented girl who has decided to listen more and slow herself down. This has greatly increased the quality of her work.

As parents and teachers, we know our job is to teach our children how to cope with friendships, exploration, learning, and new adventures. We also model and teach them social-emotional and self-regulation skills like the delicate dance of advocacy and empathy, how to speak up and how to listen, how to explore, and how to (figuratively) color within the lines.

They’ve got a lot to do and it can get overwhelming.

When they're little and tired or cranky, they have naps. In school, we have quiet time so that they can re-set for the second half of the day. When kids act out or lose control, we often use a spot to take a break or the "time out" place.  In my classroom, we also had a "meditation station," a feature I hear about these meditation peace spots now routinely from classroom teachers. It's generally a comfy spot to sit down to breath, relax, maybe draw and or watch fish in a bowl or image of nature. Ah….

We know these strategies help kids re-set when they lose control or feel overwhelmed. It allows them to move from the sympathetic nervous system’s fight-flight-freeze mode to parasympathetic nervous system’s rest-and-digest mode.  Then they are better able to think, reflect, and act from a more calm place.

So why is this so hard to do as adults when we’re cranky and overwhelmed?

Outcries of being "busy" have become the badges we wear and the norm of civilized life. But how utterly uncivilized to run around crazy busy, distracted, and multi-tasking.

Most of us are always on the run. Too many things on our list, too little downtime, and far too little sleep. We have the pressures of family, care-giving, and "doing it all."

• We are frustrated.

• We are lonely.

• We are sad or angry.

• We're disappointed.

• We think we are weird or flawed or most definitely alone.
  

Guess what?

I’ve heard that statement precisely three times in my life. The first two times were for speeding, and I knew darn well why I was stopped. This time, I have to admit, my mind was in so many places, so I actually wasn’t sure.

I knew I had not been on my phone.

I was pretty sure I hadn’t been speeding because I had been in a rotary (for you non-New Englanders, I think you call them traffic circles).

I was stumped, but I knew enough not to argue and being the Obliger* I am, I was smart enough to fess up to making a mistake and begin fumbling an apology.

As I tried to do that, I felt my heart racing. My mind jumped from my heart to my calendar to the look on this cop’s face. Her face said, “LADY. SLOW. THE. HECK. DOWN” and she wasn’t just talking about speeding.

She asked where I was going, and I simply said: “to meet a friend.” Truth: I was meeting a friend who is also my hairdresser for a freaking bang trim.

I then asked if I could call my friend to say I’d be late and my friendly cop said, “Absolutely not. Do not touch anything.”

Have you heard about this incredible retreat for curious and creative women that’s one year away?.  It seems to like a long way away, but in 365 days, we'll be gathering in the historic Kilkea Castle in Ireland. 

Will you be with us?

Our friends at Old Sod Travel have designed a luxurious yet, down to earth trip. This is the kind of trip where you'll have nothing to worry about because you'll be transported back in time to a 12-century castle, restored to modern charm and convenience.

• You'll be fed healthy and delicious meals.

• You'll have time to connect with other women or find a quiet space indoors or out where you can reflect and do as you please.

• You'll be able to participate in activities on the grounds that range from spa visits to hikes to historic walks.

• You'll be able to participate in group coaching, art workshops, yoga, and mindfulness sessions.

• And oh yes, you'll get to enjoy authentic Irish music and pub life.

You'll get to pick and choose what you want to do for five whole days in a most bucolic and pristine setting. 

As we roll into the waning days of summer, I am struck by the passage of time. I've been thinking a lot of the past many years, especially since we just had our adult kids and their significant others here for a bit. The heavy lifting and merry-go-round of parenting are in the rearview mirror. But there is still so much to do.

I think about the craziness of summer and savor those invitations to join other parents poolside or on walks with their little ones, as they submerge underwater for hours on end or find new bugs to marvel at outdoors. I know when I was the parent, it was not as present as I would be if I had to do it all over again. I couldn't be - that merry-go-round was about to toss me off and I was holding on for dear life.

In my 25-year journey as a parent, teacher, teacher of teachers, and adults, I've learned ways to embrace the chaos and find moments of calm. As the founder of Grounded 2 Grow, I echo the sentiment in a recent Psychology Today article titled "Mothers are Drowning in Stress." I know with support and accountability, individuals can connect, curate, and commit to both caring for themselves and others.

Over the years, I developed superpowers (okay, real strategies and tactics, but superpowers sound much more FUN!) to hold on and enjoy the ride.

I am a master at finding calm amid the chaos, and I can help you do the same.

Plastic Free July 

Did you hear about this movement? Did you try to eliminate single-use plastic last month? Plastic Free July seemed to be all the rage as we rolled into summer. Like so many things, I thought this would be an easy thing to do. I consider myself pretty enlightened on this topic and pretty aware of reusing as much as I can.

• I carry my reusable bags, 

• I tote my bamboo silverware.

• I carry a wondrous glass straw and a collection of stainless ones.

• I recycle and repurpose boxes and containers as best I can.

I figured I could DEFINITELY go all month without single-use plastic.

As the first week unfolded, I realized there are so many times single-use plastic makes its way into my life. It’s more than refusing the bag or the straw.  The plastic tabs on food containers, plastic tags on clothes, plant and garden containers.  Some of the are harder to avoid, but eliminating the obvious ones simply meant keeping reusable water bottles, utensils and shopping bags handy was easy-peasy. I definitley did not nail plastic free July, but I made progress.